The sport of triathlon always gets my writing juices flowing. For different reasons, so does the topic of death and losing a loved one. So I can’t quite understand why when those two subjects combine as one that I am practically at a loss for words. Perhaps it’s not that I am at a loss for words, maybe I just can’t seem to organize any of the words that are colliding in my head into an intelligent thought.
Derek Valentino
As many of you know an athlete lost his life at this past weekend’s Philadelphia Insurance Triathlon. Although as athletes we all know the inherent risks of participating in these types of events, hearing news like this always gut wrenching. And it’s even more difficult when it happens at a race that you are involved with on the production side, and when you are friends with the race’s organizers and founders. I know how hard they are taking this. I know how diligent they are in the planning, execution, and safety concerns associated with putting on an event such as this. They take each and every detail very seriously…. as they should. But still…. things happen.
But all of that pales in comparison to what Derek Valentino’s family went through on race day and the pain and loss they now feel. Derek was a 40 year old father of two and a first time triathlete. I didn’t know Derek, but at the same time, I did. His is a pretty common demographic in the triathlon community… Derek could have been anyone.
But he wasn’t just anyone. He was a dad, and a husband, whose family supported his quest to become a triathlete. While my heart aches for Derek’s family, there is a small voice inside me that is telling me that Derek died pursuing a passion, which in some weird way makes it a little better, yet more tragic at the same time.
I will say this to the Valentino family… Derek wanted to be a triathlete. The truth is he already was a triathlete by race morning. The training and preparation that Derek put into this race made him the triathlete that he wanted to become. The Valentino family probably doesn’t quite understand just how tight the triathlon community is, but I have a feeling they are about to find out.
We all mourn your loss. And we are all honored that Derek chose to become involved with this sport.
11 Comments
Steve –
Thank you so much for putting into words the heartache that so many of us feel over Derek Valentino’s death. I am a tri newbie training for my first official race in August (SheROX) and have struggled (mostly emotionally) with the swim portion. Needless to say, Derek’s death hit me hard.
It’s difficult to find any joy in the midst of such a tragedy, but I do concur with your thought that Derek was living life to the fullest, was doing something he loved — and was a triathlete even before his feet got wet.
Thanks again for your poignant thoughts. And continued best wishes on your own journey.
Anne
Steve,
I knew Derek for a lot of years and it is amazing that you never met him, yet knew him so well. Thank you so much for your beautiful words. I will be sure that his wife and boys read your blog. He would’ve have loved being referred to as a triathlete. This triathlon meant so much to him. Sorry for rambling on and on. It has been a rough couple of days, to say the least.
Again, your words will mean so much to his wife and boys.
Andrea
Steve-
I also wanted to thank you for your blog. Like Derek, I am a 40 year old triathlete with 2 kids. My wife and I do a few events each year including the ones in Philly. This sport is a wonderful lifestyle for a family to share but this tragedy breaks my heart.
Derek WAS a brother because I feel this connection to anyone who takes the journey. The apprehension of considering the challenge, the accomplishment and sense of commitment when you click that on-line registration submit button, through the grind of training to the many different feelings as you prepare the night before. Then out of bed at 5:00 am ready for battle…
My heart goes out to his family, the people who stood near the banks on Saturday morning waiting to see their hero come out of the water. That part just kills me. I know the pride they feel for Derek. He was a hero who died doing something he loved.
Mike
I just wanted to let you know that someone sent me a link to your article. You are right in saying that my son’s and I take great solace in knowing that Derek died doing something he loved. His dream was to do the Iron Man and this was his passion.
My younger son and I were at the race and we know without a doubt that the race organizers did everything they could to make that race safe. They have been wonderful to us, and you are correct. I am learning what a wonderful community triathletes are. Derek would be proud that you all are considering him one.
Again, thank you for a nice article. It is things like what you wrote that are helping the boys through this.
Michele Valentino
Certainly water safety is better than it was “back in the day” but it is still very easy to lose someone even with many craft out and around a swim course.
To my thinking, there can perhaps be created a unfounded sense of confidence in a high number of “lifeguards” rather than focusing on the training and quality of the personnel assigned to the task. I don’t believe that was the case here as the Philly Tri has a reputation of always adhering to the highest standards and no doubt had all efforts in place to prevent the incident. As well, the organizers are to be commended for taking the appropriate measures ipso facto.
But as has been the case in the majority of swim-related fatalities, unknown medical factors are often predisposed in the incidents. While this case has yet to be determined, it does raise issues about personal risk and reward. Who amongst us has not placed ourselves at risk in some self-inscripted query: “How can I find my center if I don’t visit my edges?”
After guarding the starting line in Oceanside 70.3 in April, it is indeed humbling, even terrifying, to be reminded how easily someone could go down within the hundreds of adrenaline-fueled and frothing fray of competitors. Athletes don’t often appreciate this unless they are overly fearful of the swim; itself a kind of additional danger and personnel requirement.
I would argue that one way water safety might be improved is to both train and encourage competitors to keep an eye on each other in the swim. The challenge is, of course, one of altering athlete’s motive to a philosophy bent on health, fitness and safety rather than competitive success. We do see more of this in the older age categories where modestly-skilled swimmers in their 40s, 50s, and 60s realize that a fellow competitor might be the very one to save their life in the event of a sudden onset medical condition.
All the best,
ST
I never met Derek – but I am 40 years old and I started the race with Derek last Saturday – I just didn’t know it until the next day. Suffice it to say that I have not been able to stop thinking about Derek and family since I heard the news – it breaks my heart to think that I (or any of us) might have been so close to him when he needed help.
From what I have read, Derek was a great person that lived plenty long to demonstrate what being a father, role model…and triathlete…is all about!
My thoughts and prayers are with MIchele (his wife – see the post above) and kids.
Thanks Steve for putting into words what so many of us in the triathlon community have been feeling since learning of Derek’s death last weekend. Four years ago I was like Derek… excited to race my first triathlon in Philadelphia and gain ‘official’ entrance into this amazing sport and community. We now welcome Derek’s wife and two sons…
As always Steve, you are able to put into words what so many of us are thinking and feeling. Thank you for being such an amazing and prolific ambassador. My thoughts and prayers go out to Derek’s family as well and to everyone who takes that bold, brave step into doing something that feeds their soul.
Thanks Steve for putting this into incredible, heartfelt words. You are right–he was already a triathlete. Thanks for sharing so all of us can remember him and include our prayers and thoughts for his family and friends.
I participated in the race Saturday and was heart broken to hear hear the news about Derek. These are my thoughts for his family – you are in all of our prayers:
A loved one is gone too soon
No chance to say goodbye
For him a moment and then peace
For you a lifetime of remembering
Sadness tearing at your heart
So intense right now…
Will ease with time, this I know
But missing him never ends
A kind and gentle soul lives on through time,
And through you,
Now the keeper of his flame
He will dry your eyes within your dreams
And you will share his joy and love
With all of us still here
Lisa
Thank you Stephen for your blog about Derek. Your thoughtful, heartfelt words helped heal a wound in my heart. Learning about his life, his family and his dreams made his loss all the more difficult. Thank you for paying such an eloquent tribute to the man who never knew he touched us all on June 27th.
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