To Endure

Ironman Maryland is now a week away and the usual pre ultra distance race thoughts are dancing through my mind. Did I train enough? What do I need to pack? What does the event schedule look like? What about nutrition? What am I wearing? Did I train enough? How many more swims can I squeeze in before next Saturday? What’s the water temperature? What’s the air temperature? What are the winds doing? What’s the extended forecast look like? And DID I TRAIN ENOUGH?

I’ve raced this distance enough to at least understand the inability to understand all of the messages and questions that are colliding into one another and competing for my attention. I’ve learned that I don’t really need to answer all of them. I just need to be able to hush them into a quiet lull of background white noise.

Some of these questions require a little bit of thought and planning. But the answers to many of these questions just don’t matter. What’s done is done at this point. Did I train enough? Who knows? I’ve learned that this race is always going to be painful. We don’t train in hopes of having a pain free race. We train to be able to endure pain for an extended period of time. We train to be comfortable being uncomfortable. We train so we know what race day pain will feel like.

I certainly haven’t trained as much as I did when I trained for my first Ironman 15 years ago. But I’m also 15 years older and hopefully a little bit wiser. I’ve learned the value of rest and the importance of taking care of my body. I’ve also been through a leukemia diagnosis, remission, two relapses, and two more remissions since my first ironman. So perhaps my perspective is different than that of others.

My cancer mindset is much like my endurance sports mindset. Control the things that I can control. Take things in small bite sized chunks. Understand that everything will be cyclical and I will run the gamut from elation to exhaustion in frequent boomerang fashion. The mind is capable of steering very large objects; like my physical body. Patience and positivity are crucial.

While I am a little nervous, I’m more excited than anything else. I know Cambridge Maryland. Between racing ChesapeakeMan and EagleMan numerous times I have created some wonderful memories there for me and my family. For me this race and this life are about creating experiences to look back on with satisfaction and fulfillment. It’s about doing something that you can be (quietly and humbly) proud of. Times mean nothing to me. Assuming of course that I make all of the required cut offs!

While this will be my 12th Ironman, it’s no more, easier, harder, better, or more important than my or anyone else’s first. I don’t proclaim to be any kind of expert. I’m just weathered, but I’ve persevered, I’ve endured. The same questions arise each and every time I race this distance. The only difference is that with the first couple of Ironman races there tends to be a sense of panic and uncertainty that scares you. Ironman consumes you. It is the focal point of your every thought and action. That never really goes away over the years. But over time, you learn that panic and uncertainty are just part of the game. So you figure out ways of loosening your grip a little to handle the anxiety with more of a quiet resolve. You learn how to temporarily tame the beast. You also learn that Ironman will be just one of many significant events in your life so you eventually find that balance and perspective as well. (And if you are lucky, it won’t be the most significant accomplishment in your life).

steve and mgIronman is huge. It’s an amazing accomplishment requiring an incredible amount of commitment and dedication. But at the end of it all, Ironman is just a race. It won’t define you. It won’t make you any better or worse than your neighbor. It can’t rob you of your soul or control or own you. It’s just a race. But it’s one long ass painfully blissful race that you will both love and hate a million times before midnight. And one that you will remember for the rest of your life and hopefully end up loving forever.

Train safe, race smart, and thank the volunteers.

Posted in cancer, ironman, racing, survivor, triathlon | Tagged , , | Comments closed

Dear Everyone in the World

I heard you are going through a bit of a rough patch. While I can’t say that I know exactly what you are feeling, I can say that I understand rough patches. I understand feeling a little lost and broken. One thing that only patience and experience teaches you is that “rough patches” really are just that – patches. They aren’t road closures or endings. They are like dark clouds that always keep right on moving and yield to a brighter sky.

And more often than not the blue sky that does return is even bluer and more beautiful than you remembered. I guess what I am trying to say is that I know your sky will clear. I also know that you are strong and know how to dig in and take a stance while the storm passes. And when it does, you will be even stronger.

Hang in there

Posted in cancer, motivation, survivor | Tagged , | Comments closed

HEADstrong’s 1st Annual 5k Run Set for September 14th

Run The Park 5K Logo

Ridley Park, PA – With September recognized as National Leukemia and Lymphoma Awareness Month the HEADstrong Foundation™ has unveiled plans for special fundraising event to promote blood cancer awareness, honor those in the fight and raise funds to support the essential programs and services offered by the organization to improve quality of life for those affected by blood cancers and their families.

The 1st Annual Run The Park 5k will be held on Sunday, September 14, 2014. Run The Park will be a challenging 3.1 mile race that will take runners on a scenic tour through beautiful suburban Ridley Park, Pennsylvania. In addition to the 5k, Mainstreets of Ridley Park™ will host its inaugural Rubber Ducky Regatta.

Race day registration is available. Fee – $45.00. Participants will receive an event t-shirt, pair of HF shoelaces and a complimentary goody bag.

Proceeds from the Run The Park 5k will benefit the HEADstrong Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to HEADing efforts to improve quality of life for patients and families affected by blood cancers in memory of Nicholas “HEAD” Colleluori.

Click Here to view a full range of sponsorship opportunities for the Run The Park 5k.

Event Timeline
7:30 AM Registration
8:30 AM Dynamic Warm-Up by Endeavor Performance
9:00 AM Race Start
12:00 PM Presentation
12:30 PM Rubber Ducky Regatta

About the HEADstrong Foundation™
The HEADstrong Foundation™ is a 501(c)(3) committed to being a resource for blood cancer patients and their families, helping them to navigate the harrowing ordeal of cancer by providing essential services to improve quality of life.

HEADstrong™ is an athletic rooted organization that serves the cancer community by granting direct financial assistance to those financially impacted as a result of the disease, by providing complimentary long-term housing and amenities for those traveling to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for cancer related treatments through Nick’s House™, by funding innovative blood cancer research through the Nicholas E. Colleluori Lymphoma research fund, by serving family meals and offering outlets of entertainment for those receiving care at hospitals, by delivering comfort kits to newly hospitalized patients preparing for treatment or transplant and by lending an arm of support through their peer to peer advocacy group.

The blueprints for the Foundation were conceptualized by Nicholas “HEAD” Colleluori in 2006, while he underwent treatment for non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, which ultimately claimed his life. Today, Nick’s vision is being fulfilled through the relentless efforts of his family, athletes and supporters across the country uniting in the fight against blood cancers.

For more information on the HEADstrong Foundation™ and how they are Getting aHEAD of Cancer™ go to

Posted in cancer, running | Tagged , | Comments closed

Upcoming Inspiration & Perspiration

Well it looks like my calendar is going to be pretty busy in the coming months. Next up is Ironman Maryland on September 20th. As some of you know, this is the old Chesapeakeman race recently purchased by the WTC. I’m looking forward to doing this race under the M-Dot umbrella and comparing it to its previous state of independence.  I was contacted my Ironman’s Dave Downey and it looks like I will be one of their featured athletes who will have their story told at the welcome reception and then followed around throughout race weekend with a camera. No pressure.

Thanks to Comcast for permitting use of my Net Impact story during the banquet. I’m also racing “IM Crabby” as part of Team Inspiration in support of cancer warriors everywhere. While I hope I don’t screw this up, I take stock and pride in the fact that we are building memories through our adventures and in turn inspiring others. That makes it all worthwhile.

I also received an invite to race the Marine Corp Marathon on October 25th also as an honored patient warrior with Team Inspiration. I’ve never raced MCM but it’s always been on my short list. Thanks to Team Inspiration for extending the offer to join them, and be honored. One of the reasons I jumped on Marine Corp is because I was undecided about racing the NYC marathon this year and was leaning towards not racing it. HOWEVER, the universe has a wonderful way of providing you with answers just by remaining open to her options. Last night, I received the below email from my good buddy Ethan Zohn:


I hope you are well. Sarah and I spoke today and we think you should run with Grassroot Soccer for the NYC Marathon on November 2nd. In addition, we would love to make you an honorary captain and have you speak at the pre-race dinner about your inspirational journey, your love for GRS and visiting the program in Africa. Do you think this would be something you want to do with us?

Let me know your thoughts,


How does one possibly say no to THAT? That’s an easy answer. One can’t and doesn’t say no to supporting his friend’s charity for the 6th straight year. And in true and consistent fashion, my wife wholeheartedly agreed so we toasted and said “let’s do it”. So, I will race Marine Corp and NYC marathons a week apart, and a month after Ironman. It’s all about making a difference, making memories, and appreciating all of the opportunities this life affords you. I will be fundraising for Grassroot Soccer and our HIV/AIDS efforts in Africa. More on that will follow.

Stay tuned for some great stories and pictures of some great races, and causes.

And lastly, my next book is nearing completion. It will be a much more comprehensive view of my leukemia journey and all of life’s intersections along the way. Triathlon legends Karen Smyers and Dave Scott will be contributing their thoughts in the book as well. I will keep you posted.

A glimpse:

As I reconciled everything that I was experiencing, I made a few key decisions that both kept me sane and at the same time changed my life. One was to practice the simple adage of controlling the things I could control. I couldn’t control the diagnosis. But I could control a lot of how I reacted to that diagnosis. In that respect, my thought process was exactly the same as it is on race day. I drew many parallels between the challenges I was facing with the disease and the challenges we all face in sport, and in life. Another critical decision I made was to remain in motion.  I have learned through the years that I am always happiest when I am moving. I’ve never known if I am running towards or away from something, but when I am moving, I am whole. It is more than just a way to stay in shape. It is how I have always coped and it is my therapy. So I held onto that and kept up my training through my treatments – often running home from chemo. I made it part of a game. I challenged the disease back and made up some of my own rules of engagement.

Train safe, race smart, and thank the volunteers.

Posted in cancer, health & fitness, motivation, racing, running, survivor, triathlon | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments closed

Seeptember is Blood Cancer Awareness Month

During Blood Cancer Awareness Month this September, The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is reminding everyone that while breakthrough therapies are saving lives, work still needs to be done to find cures – not someday, but today.

Thanks to LLS-funded research, new safe and effective treatments, once unimaginable, are saving lives today. Cures for many patients with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) and Hodgkin lymphoma have been achieved, and the five-year survival rate for children with ALL jumped 3 percent in 1964 to approximately 90 percent in 2014. The survival rate for myeloma patients more than tripled in the past decade. 

And, advances are far-reaching. From 2000 through 2013, almost 40 percent of new anti-cancer drugs approved by FDA were first approved (or developed) for blood cancer patients – more first-ever approvals than for any other group of cancers – and many of these were advanced funding from LLS. Some therapies are even helping patients with other cancers and other serious, nonmalignant diseases. 

But despite the advances, work still needs to be done to find cures. Every three minutes, someone in the U.S. is diagnosed with a blood cancer, and more than 1.1 million people in the U.S. are living with, or in remission from, a blood cancer.  Unlike with other cancers, you cannot screen for or prevent most blood cancers.  

About one third of patients with a blood cancer still do not survive even five years after their diagnosis, which is why more funding is needed to bring better therapies to patients, and faster. 

LLS’s goal is to raise $300,000 dollars in 30 days. To donate, please visit or contact Mika Harding, Director of Donor Development & Special Events, at (610) 276-3190 or

To learn more about our patient services, please contact Ilana Benyosef, Senior Manager for Patient Education & Access, at (610) 276-3199 or, or visit

For more information about getting involved with LLS, please call our Eastern PA Chapter at (610) 238-0360 or visit our website at

Posted in cancer, leukemia & lymphoma society | Tagged , , , | Comments closed

A Wish

If I could have just one wish… OK so maybe I can’t really articulate my desires into just one wish. But if I could conceptually change one way of thinking, it would be that we stop living life through the I, me, mine lens, and channel our energies into the fine arts of compassion and humility.

Rather than telling the world how hard you’ve trained, how fast you’ve raced, how lavish your possessions or how exotic your vacation may have been, let’s reflect on what we can do, and should do to make “equality” a little more equal, move the bar of acceptance, feed someone who is really hungry, help someone attain the tools of education, help someone feel safe and warm at night, express our love and appreciation of others, and focus our efforts into making a difference in the lives of others.

Every single person that you encounter every day of your life is facing some sort of struggle. Some people manage their struggles better than others. And struggles come in a wide variety of sizes and shapes. But everyone is dealing with something. Be that shoulder that someone else needs. Demonstrate a random act of kindness for no other reason than you can.

Have compassion. Show compassion. Live compassion. Be compassion.

Changing one life can change a community. Changing a community can change a society. Changing a society can change the world.

Posted in motivation | Tagged , | Comments closed

The Running Lifestyle Podcast Interview

I recently did this podcast interview with Kari Gormley for The Running Lifestyle. We talk about running, triathlon, my leukemia diagnosis and treatments, family, and life. Check out Kari’s other interviews as well.

Click to listen


Posted in cancer, ironman, leukemia & lymphoma society, motivation, running, survivor, team in training, training, triathlon | Tagged , , , | Comments closed

Runner’s World Cover Contest

 I was recently encouraged to enter a contest to grace the cover of Runner’s World magazine. While I was a little apprehensive about this at first, I eventually realized it was a chance to give my blood cancer crusade even greater exposure, rallying the blood cancer community and bolstering all cancer crusaders in the process. So I went for it. I needed to respond to the questions below. Be sure to visit the link and vote. You can vote every day but only once per day through August 18th.  

How did you start running?

As an active kid and athlete growing up I feel like I have always been “running”. In high school my buddies were either fellow soccer players or cross country runners. So running wasn’t something we did, it was who we were. In college I learned to appreciate running as a therapeutic and zen like release and not simply a means for getting into physical shape. I started entering races in the mid 1980s and have never looked back.

What is the personal running accomplishment you are most proud of?

I have lived with a chronic form of leukemia since 2006 and have been a triathlon coach with The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training program ever since. There is nothing I love more than celebrating the accomplishments of all of our athletes. But the one that stands out on a personal level is the 2009 New Jersey marathon which my wife and I did with Team in Training. I ran, she walked and many many people won as we raised funds and awareness for the blood cancer community and celebrated my remission.

Why is running important to you?

I am always happiest when I am in motion. No matter how far, or how fast, if I am moving, I am in a good place. Running also means remission to me. I have used running and endurance sports as weapons in my treatment arsenal to keep my disease in my rear view mirror, helping others along the way to do the same. I often ran home from chemotherapy treatments to remain in control of my leukemia. Running is health. Running is freedom. Running is happiness. When in doubt – get moving.

Describe yourself in one word:  Relentless

Click below to vote.

Posted in cancer, motivation, running, survivor, team in training | Tagged , | Comments closed

IM Versus I’m not

There has been a lot of chatter recently on some of the discussion forums and Facebook pages over iron distance triathlons. There has always been debate over the use of the word “ironman” since it is a branded copyrighted term owned by the World Triathlon Corporation. Having raced a few of said “ironman” events, as well as other branded events such as “Challenge” and independently owned iron distance events, I felt urged to comment on a recent Facebook post regarding the Challenge Atlantic City event.

Does anyone feel it’s an issue of the accomplishment being devalued? I don’t. I think WTC purists are just a little hung up about using the branded name so universally. Ironman is ironman. Challenge is Challenge. Beach to Battleship is Beach to Battleship. Great Floridian is Great Floridian. They are all iron distance races. They are all 140.6 miles and should be treated as such…with respect.

My personal opinion is that one should not get the MDot logo tattoo if they didn’t do an MDot race. Not because any one race is more, less, better, or worse. They are just different. It’s the same reason you don’t get a REV3 tattoo after completing  a TriROCK race. They are just different entities. My $.02. Stand tall, walk proud. You’ve earned it. Be proud, but be humble.

Posted in ironman, triathlon | Tagged , , , , | Comments closed

Team in Training Season Wrap Up

 Below are some of my thoughts from a talk that I gave at the inspirational dinner for this year’s TriRock Philadelphia Team in Training group. Most of this content made it into the talk, some may not have. This was a small but terrific group of heroes. I, as always, was moved by their fortitude, commitment, drive and willingness to make a change in someone’s life.

I think I’m supposed to talk about me, but before I do that, I need to talk about all of you for a few minutes.

This was an extremely rewarding season for me on a few levels. I was actually a little nervous going into this season since it was my first season as the head coach without our buddy coach Todd Wiley. I just wasn’t sure how things would go.

But with the help of assistant coaches Kenny Modica and Gretchen Cooney and great mentors I was able to thoroughly enjoy this season.  Our team had great chemistry, made up of alumni, first timers, survivors, a father and son team, a husband and wife team, a survivor with recycled body parts, Mildred and Hazel our swim cap models who found a remarkable way of tying together fashion, training, yard sale shopping, with an insatiable drive to make a difference, and laugh.

And this organization was again lucky to have one of the kindest and gentlest men I know return in honor and in memory of his lost loved one. Mitch Kline you are the quintessential role model and hero for many people and I am so thankful you are here.

Philly Tri TeamYou have all been an amazing group of very genuine people all united to fight the common enemy.  So, thank you for that. I get more out of this than you can possibly imagine and I get back much more than I give.


OK now I will tell you a little about me.

I grew up a gym and playground rat. I played at least one sport every season of the school year.  And played in multiple summer leagues from the time I was 8 years old. I was never really sick.  I have all of my God given parts, no extra ones, and to this day, I have never stayed overnight in a hospital.

I went to college on a soccer scholarship and hung on the fringe of a pro soccer career which didn’t quite go according to my plan (or my lack of a plan). I played some semi pro soccer for a number of years before discovering the dark side of triathlon and multisport racing and I was instantly hooked.

Like most people, I started small but then worked my way up to “one” marathon (or so I told my wife on New Year’s Eve of 1993). And eventually ”one” ironman. To my credit, I thoroughly believed that I could do one, get it out of my system, and be done. (I grossly misjudged that concept).

I settled into a lifestyle that proved rewarding for me and for my family on so many levels. I racked up countless races that my family was a huge part of either as volunteers, spectators, supporters, or all of the above.

I was healthy and living the dream.  

Things got a little dark for us in 2005 and 2006. The curve balls started coming our way. Fast threatening curve balls that aim for your head. My dad underwent surgery to remove a large tumor in his chest, spending 2 months in the hospital and he never made it home. A few months later my mom needed triple bypass and aortic valve replacement heart surgery. That surgery was successful and my 89 year old mom is alive and thriving today. But this, on the heels of the loss of my dad, took its emotional toll.

Our family was ready for a fresh look at a new year and a new beginning in 2006 but that wasn’t going to happen.

I started having trouble swallowing which led to number of doctor calls. Of course I chalked it up to everything under the sun before actually making an appointment. Allergies. Stress. Infection. You name it. And we tried to treat it remotely with steroids, antibiotics, anti-allergy meds, etc. But we eventually saw a specialist who THOUGHT I needed to have my tonsils removed.

Preadmission testing told a different story.

My lab work revealed a white blood count that was extremely high. That led to an appointment with an oncologist and then a weeks worth of biopsies, x-rays, ct scans, pet scans, and blood work and ultimately a diagnosis of a chronic form of leukemia on February 24th of 2006.

I was told this would require several months of initial chemo and monoclonal antibody treatment and 2 years of follow up treatment. And while this can be managed it can’t be “cured” the way some other cancers can – today.

I’ve always felt fortunate and blessed and I’ll be honest (and I’ve never really shared this before) for a fleeting moment I listened to what the doc was telling me and I thought to myself, “so is this it”? “Is this how my fairy tale life will come to end”? “Surprise” We’ve all entertained the notion of how our lives may end but this isn’t something I ever saw coming. The payback for living a great life, surrounded by great people is I get to deteriorate and whither away in front of everyone a shell of the guy I once was?”

That moment and those thoughts were very fleeting and not shared with anyone. The positive me quickly resumed control. And the reality was that my prognosis looked good. I just needed to get out of my own head, stop Googling my disease, and focus on getting well.  So we started into a chemotherapy treatment protocol of 1 week of daily treatment, followed by 3 weeks off – repeated for 4 cycles. And the long range plan would be to receive follow up treatments for one week, every 6 months for 2 years.

We did chemo right. We did it our way. My wife joined me for every treatment. Our daughters often cut class from their school which was next door to the hospital and hung out during chemo with me. We would hang out, have lunch together, and make it as positive as we possibly could.

Something worked. I responded to treatment favorably and hit remission by my 3rd round of chemo. I vowed to remain in shape and many days that meant running home from my chemo treatments. I needed to control something in a seemingly incontrollable situation and I have always been happiest when I am in motion so that became a big part of my overall plan.

That worked too because 4 months post diagnosis I was able to again race a sprint triathlon. And 7 months post diagnosis I raced another ironman triathlon. All of that is great but not as great as my decision to sign on as a triathlon coach for TNT. Which I did within days of being diagnosed. 

Coaching is my opportunity to share my love for the sport of triathlon with eager individuals who want to both take on a challenge – while raising funds and awareness for my blood cancer. It became personal.

My relationship with this organization changed my life. While my own personal goals and races are important, watching each and every one of you grow from that first day of practice to crossing that finish will never, ever get old for me.

I love helping you achieve and celebrating your accomplishments.

So, here I stand. (Quite happily I might add) I live with a chronic leukemia. I manage it – it doesn’t manage me. I live above it and not simply with it. And like to think I am making it count for something.

While I am proud of the fact that I have completed many many races of all distances spanning 25 years of racing. The reality is they don’t mean all that much. You won’t find me talking that much about that.

I think I represent an old school and minority breed of athletes who believes you don’t need to broadcast your accomplishments to make them meaningful. And if done right, people will “just know” not only what you’ve done but who you are without a lot of self promotion.

I have learned just as much or more about myself in the couple of races where I became injured and wasn’t able to finish than those I did finish. How you react to that is success. The ability to adapt defines success for me.

What I am proud of is the fact that I have weathered 46 rounds of chemo. Slipped into relapse a couple of times and come back better and happier every time. And have helped others along the way to do the same. That is what matters. That’s what keeps hope alive.

Simply put – I’m in a good place and I wouldn’t change anything that I’ve been through or where I am. I’m not sure how many people would say that living with a chronic cancer.

My wife and I have raised 2 amazing daughters along the way. And they have very much been a part of everything about my life, including cancer, and racing. And we are enjoying a beautiful granddaughter with a grandson on the way.

My journey continues to connect me with some amazing individuals who only validate the fact that I am supposed to carry this disease and be a voice and a resource for others. One of the positives about living with a cancer is that you don’t have to wonder and worry about what it’s like to live with a cancer!!  Usually it’s the fear of the unknown that scares the hell out of this. I know this disease quite well.

I also feel that the blood cancer future is incredibly bright. I am first hand living proof  what a LLS funded drug like RITUXAN can do and I’ve seen the incredible success stories around GLEEVAC with others such as IBRUTINIB right around the corner.

My world is far from perfect but I’ve learned how to reconcile all of it. And man do I love living it. And appreciate it and everyone in it.

You are all a big part of that. Thank you for a GREAT season.


Posted in leukemia & lymphoma society, survivor, team in training, triathlon | Tagged , , , | Comments closed
Listen to internet radio with RemissionMan on Blog Talk Radio
"Be the change you wish to see in the world " - Gandhi